The Kubo Tite CYOA first graced OTkun with its presence at the beginning of June 2010. The topic was started by GameFAQs user 'The One That Might' and continued by 'Purging_Flame' when the former went catatonic. Posters in the topic determined the fate of Kubo Tite, the polarizing creator of the hit shonen manga Bleach. What transpired within swiftly became an epic adventure involving plagiarism, flying machines, action sequences, robot duplicates, Eichiro Oda and, of course, Bleach. But why are you reading this? A transcript lies just below! Read it now, the power of Kubo compells you!
-Hello, and welcome to You Are Kubo Tite. You Are Kubo Tite is an experimental CYOA story that you help write! Not only will you help write a CYOA, the actions you make will effect the outcome of a young mangaka's life and his series, BLEACH. Will you be a benevolent Kubo Tite and save the world or a benign Kubo Tite who seeks to end all life as we know it? The choice is up to You! Because You Are Kubo Tite. Prepare yourself, because the story begins after the break.-
You are in an outdoor swimming pool full of money. You gleefully prance around the pool while trying to relax. This is your pool, it is filled with your money! You look off to the edge of the pool and see 7 beautiful women (one from each continent!) sunbathing on towels. They all eye you enviosly. Is it because they want to do you? Well, yes. But more importantly, they want to be you. Because You Are Kubo Tite. After all, who wouldn't want to be Kubo Tite.
"Ah... it is so good to have made lots of money. I love my life." You say to no one in particular. Just then, Yammy from your hit series Bleach popped out of the pool of money as if from no where. Money showers down everywhere from the impact. Yammy raises his massive fist and punches you in the face.
Just then you wake up. It was all a dream. No beautiful women from each continent, no swimming pool of money, but on the brightside, Yammy is still fictional as far as you know. You are in a small bed, alone. You look at your clock, it is 9:30am. What do you do?
At this point, you, the reader must decide what Kubo Tite will do! Try to pick the choice you would pick if you were Kubo Tite. The choices are:
- 1. Wake up and proceed to begin work on Bleach 407. [Include idea suggestion]
- 2. Go back to bed, maybe Yammy didn't quite kill you and you can get back to the ladies.
- 3. Read the competition. See what that chump Oda or that hack Kishimoto came up with this week.
- 4. Prepare breakfast. [Include suggestion for Breakfast]
- 5. Turn into a jet, bomb the Russians [jk this is not a real option, Kubo can't do that]
- 6. Go for a walk around the neighborhood [Include fun suggestion for a place to go]
Good luck readers, and happy CYOA!
-There is no introductory note, except that this edition contains spoilers for Naruto, Bleach, and One Piece.-
You grab the latest issure of Shonen Jump from your mail box and flip it open. You instinctively flip it open to Bleach and reread 406. Ah, Deicide 8, another stroke of genius you had. You platned some big seeds with this chapter and your mind springs into action with how you're going to hatch them. Seeds hatch, right? You decide that they do.
After 20 minutes of going over the latest in the Deicide series, you discover that Kishimoto also published a chapter of his series this week. In fact, his poster board, Naruto, is gracing the front cover of the magazine. You shake your head. "This better be good."
You read it and find that this week Naruto is inside his head fighting the demon fox that possess him. You realize what a great idea that is. He's going into his inner world to tame his inner demon? That's brilliant! You like the idea, you love it, you want to marry it, and then you realize why.
"Wait a minute! This is my idea! Ichigo fought his inner hollow like 3 years ago in my series! This Kishimoto guy is way out of line! He's ripping on my ideas!"
Disgusted, you turn to One Piece.
You immediately vomit. It appears that some giant ugly head is trying to eat some guy. Against your better judgement, you decide to continue reading. After finishing, you ask yourself, "What the hell is a Sabo?" You shake your head, you didn't think it could get worse than Kishimoto stealing your ideas, but Oda went another week without telling you what the One Piece is. You are bummed out.
What does Kubo do next?
- 1. Wake up and proceed to begin work on Bleach 407. [Include idea suggestion]
- 2. Go back to bed, maybe Yammy didn't quite kill you and you can get back to the ladies.
- 3. Prepare breakfast. [Include suggestion for Breakfast]
- 4. Turn into a jet, bomb the Russians [jk this is not a real option, Kubo can't do that]
- 5. Go for a walk around the neighborhood [Include fun suggestion for a place to go]
- 6. Call Kishimoto, threaten lawsuit [include fun suggestion for what grounds]
- 7. Call Oda, tell him you don't care about what a Sabo is, ask what One Piece is. [Include guess about what the one piece is]
-The following chapter contains spoilers for One Piece and Bleach-
You bust out your cellphone and call Oda. He is #3 on your speed dial. It starts to ring. Sadly, it goes to voice mail. Just when you begin to leave him a voice mail, your phone starts ringing and the caller ID says it's Oda. You continue leaving the message. After you left the voice mail, you try calling him back, but its busy because he is trying to call you right now.
Six minutes later you and Oda stop playing phone tag and eventually you get through to him.
"Yo Oda, what up!" "Not much Kubo-bro, I'm just doing a little wake and bake." "Chill, chill. Say, I was reading One Piece this week and, I gotta ask. When are you going to tell us what the One Piece is?" "Dude, you're harshing my chill. Why you gotta call asking me about my story this early in the morning?" "Oh come on man, I've been waiting to find out for years. I didn't make my readers wait this long to find out that Byakuya wanted to kill his sister because of a promise he made to his dead parents. Come on, be a pal." "Dude, you know I can't tell you what the one piece is, you might steal the idea and put it in your story." "Speaking of which, Oda! You won't believe what Kishimoto did this week!" "What?" "He ripped me off!" "I don't read Weekly Shonen Jump, not enough pictures for me, what did he do?"
You explain to Oda that Kishimoto ripped off your idea of someone having an inner fight against there demon. Oda gets very excited at the possibility of doing something about it!
- 1. Invite Oda over to your place to think of a plan
- 2. Go over to Oda's place to do some "planning"
- 3. Call Kishimoto, leave prank message [Include suggestion for prank message]
- 4. Realize this is kind of petty, begin work on Bleach 407 [Include fun suggestion for chapter]
-Dear Green Gravy: Thank you for your inquiry. I would also like to direct your attention to the fact that the opening post included a reference to 7 women being from 7 different continents. Humans don't live on the 7th continent, making such a person's existence improbable. Thank you for your concern.-
You get out of your small apartment and head out on to the street where The Kubomobile (a 1998 Nissan Ultima) is parked. You get inside and pull out. Putting the pedal to the metal, you arrive at Oda's house in no time. You check your watch, it is only 10 to 11.
Oda buzzes you into his building and you reach the landing with his apartment on it. A familiar odor seeps through the door into your nostrils. Yep, you're at Oda's, all right.
[The following section has been removed due to violations of Gamefaqs TOS]
You wake up on Oda's couch, barely able to remember what you've been doing all afternoon. You look at your watch, it is now 4PM. "Wait, what the hell!" You smack a glass tube out of Oda's hands and drag him out of a bean bag chair. "You moron! I've wasted all day with you and I haven't gotten any work done! Bleach 407 is due in 24 hours and I haven't even started!"
Oda looks up at you and slowly opens his eyes. "Its ok, I got this one." Oda then collapses in your arms.
"How the heck does that guy write a chapter every week if he's so ... uh."
Don't forget to include fun suggestions to add to the choices!
- 1. Explore Oda's apartment
- 2. Head back to your apartment, begin work on Bleach 407
- 3. Begin work on Bleach 407 now on whatever scratch paper you can find
- 4. Other
-The following containers future spoilers for both One Piece and Bleach-
You realize that if you don't start the chapter soon, you won't have enough time to finish it before the deadline. There's no time to go home, you need to begin working now. You search Oda's house for some spare paper to draw on, but you don't find any. In a moment of desperation, you find the piece of paper with the least amount of drawings on it.
It is a partially blank piece of paper with the words ONE PIECE 587 on top of it. Below it, is what you can only assume is the rest of One Piece 587, the chapter that Oda has been working on this week.
You have no choice, you need to steal it and fill in the blanks. Its the only way you can meet your deadline.
For the next 10 hours you draw diligently. You erase almost all of his speech bubbles, but some of Oda's doodles are too deep and you can't erase them properly, so you decide to just leave them in and draw around them. The following is an abstract of your finished product;
1st. Page A senkai gate appears and Gin and Aizen step out of it. A wide shot reveals that they are on a pirate ship of some kind. Aizen says, "Ah, Karakura Harbor, the home of Ichigo Kurosaki."
4th Page You can't figure out how to tie in what's going in this page into your story, so you just paint over all the panels black. You give yourself mad props for coming up with such a dramatic idea.
9th Page: Gin and Aizen converse with a giant man with a huge body and cool jacket. The man reveals that he is actually Nanoa, the lieutenant of Shunsui.
10th Page: Aizen is not surprised. In fact, he claims to have planned it.
14th Page: Gin is painted over a soldier shooting people to look like his bankai is annihilating everyone.
17th Page: Luffy appears and Aizen says, "It is nice to see you again, Tatsuki"
All other pages are left exactly how you found them. It is now very late at night and you are tired. What do you do? Here are the following choices: Remember to be creative and that the chapter must be turned in at the Shonen Jump offices by 4PM tomorrow.
- 1. Wake Oda, inform him of what you did
- 2. Summoning Jutsu!~! Hyper Armor Activate! [j/k, that doesn't even make sense]
- 3. Head home, get some sleep
- 4. Sleep at Oda's
- 5. Go for a drive.
-The author of this CYOA would like to thank OT for its gracious praise. All your praise will be forwarded to the author. The following chapter contains spoilers for You Are Kubo Tite.-
You are too tired to get back in your car and drive home. After all, you wouldn't want to cause an accident. That could kill you. That would be no bueno.
"No Bueno at all" you say, to no one in particular.
Seeing the bean bag chair that Oda is passed out in, you decide to join him. Then you rethink that idea and search for somewhere else to sleep. After realizing that his entire apartment is filled with nothing but [this section has been removed for violating the Gamefaqs TOS] and his bed was the worst. You return to the bean bag, and plop down into it, unable to resist your own gravitational pull.
You were going to kick Oda out of the bean bag chair, but now that you are here with him, you reconsider that. After all, he's kind of comfy for a passed out [reference censored] guy. You snuggle up with him.
You wake up the next morning feeling really relaxed. It is going to be another great day. You have a manga to turn into your editor, you had a great night's sleep with a good friend, and now he's bringing you breakfast in bag. "Ah, you shouldn't have."
You enjoy breakfast together.
What will Kubo do next? Try to use your imagination.
- 1. Thank Oda for breakfast, drive to Shonen Jump
- 2. Thank Oda for Bleach 407's general outline, drive to Shonen Jump
- 3. Ask Oda what he plans on doing about his chapter this week.
- 4. Something else
-You Are Kubo Tite will now resume-
You graciously thank Oda for cooking you breakfast. You slide NOT ONE PIECE 567 into your brief case that you brought, I guess, and leave his apartment with a smile, a nod, and a wink.
Out on the streets you race across beautiful urban Tokyo. Otaku and gothic lolita chicks are just some of the sub cultural groups you give the finger to as you head to down town to visit the offices of SHONEN JUMP.
You look around the car but see no one, but the voice is clearly coming from within the cabin.
"Who is this?"
"That is not important. What is important though, is you have been selected to die."
"What? You're crazy."
"No Kubo-san, it is you who are crazy. After all, I wouldn't drive a car that when the pedometer rolled over to 124,983 it exploded. That would be crazy."
You look at your spedometer. Lucky for you, you're only going 70km/h. Thank god, you can go another 124,913 kilometers an hour more before your car explodes.
"No, Kubo. Your pedometer, not your spedometer."
"Oh crap, you say"
"What? I didn't say that"
Oh, I mean, "Oh crap," you say as you watch the pedometer's last digit slowly roll from 124,982 to 124,983. The 3 is just about to line up with the rest of the integer. You unbuckle your seatbelt and open your car door and roll out. As you clear the cabin, the Kubomobile explodes and the force propells you at speeds as great as 124,983km/h into a nearby building.
You smash through the 3rd story of the office building that holds SHONEN JUMP, conviently into the office of SHONEN JUMP. Going through solid concrete did a number on your body and you are currently suffering from a pair of broken sun glasses. Staff looks on, the new intern, Hiroki, is impressed. He shows it by cowering under a desk in plane sight (what? Like you wouldn't do the same if a man propelled himself through the wall of the building you were in?) The rest of the staff, the veterans who have been at SHONEN JUMP for at least 5 weeks applaud your magnificent entry. It is praised for its dynamic qualities.
But great scott, what's next!
What will become the central conflict in the life of Tite!? Don't forget to embellish on your choice with greater details.
- 1. Oh no, you forgot your briefcase with the latest BLEACH chapter in it in the exploding car!
- 2. Oh no, someone plotted a terrorist attack against you, is that bad?
- 3. Oh no, spaghettiO's!
- 4. Mean while, in the future.
-New Episode of You Are Kubo Tite (CYOA!!!) approaching. You must forgive the author for the next chapter is rather vulgar. it contains scenes of graphic violence and should not be read by the faint of heart. In case anyone wants to know why the following chapter is so violent, it is because the author's girlfriend just broke up with him. Apparently she would rather be with the guy that she has been sleeping with on the side for the last month and a half. For what its worth, that ***** can burn in hell. If you are reading this Julia, and I know you're not because you don't watch anime or play video games so the odds of you finding this topic on this message board are slim to nil, but if you are, **** you. That's right, **** you. You know what Jules, you made me happier than anyone has made me in along time. Its good to know you were so full of ****.-
As you face your colleagues and stand up, wiping the dust from your jacket, your brief case comes flying through the hole in the wall. It is on fire. As it burns up in midair, the pages of Bleach 407 (ghost drawn almost entirely by Oda, but he doesn't know that and neither does anyone else, hell, at this point you've forgotten too.) fall neatly on your editors desk.
"Oh, Mr. Tite. I see you are as theatrical as ever. Rough commute?" Your editor asks you as he looks over the chapter that has just fallen out of a flaming suitcase that flew through a hole in the wall caused by an exploding car.
"Not really. I've had worse, say, while you read that I'm going to the break room, make myself some lunch."
"Don't tel me what I can't do."
You enter into the break room and see Hiroki, the frighten intern from earlier. And... OH NO! it looks like he is eating your SPAGHETTIO'S!!!
Something inside you snaps and you flash behind him. It's not quite a flashstep because you're not a shinigami and your movement was well within mortal human abilities, but it was still pretty fast and you're behind him. You grab him by the neck and lift him out of the chair that he is sitting on and throw him to the ground. You take the bowl of SpaghettiO's that he was eating and breathe fire on to it. It super heats to an unrealistic level. You rub the bowl on his face, giving him burn that he will never recover from, not that you're going to give him a chance. You pull a knife from the cupboard and plunge it into his chest several times. Heart. Spleen. Stomach. Lung. Other lung. Using the holes you previously made, you cut him open exposing his entire digestive system. You take a dump in him. He never screamed, you didn't give him the chance.
- 1. Kubo just killed a man and no one cares
- 2. Kubo just killed a man and no one cares
- 3. Kubo just killed a man and no one cares
- 4. Kubo just killed a man and no one cares
-Just want all you guys to know this, you may think that love will never come for you and that you'll be alone forever, but that's not true. I believe that everyone gets to experience love once in their lives no matter who they are. And you know what, maybe I'm the kind of guy who only gets one shot at this love thing, and I blew it. So, I'm going to tell you all this: It is not better to have loved and to have lost than to never have loved at all. Because once you've loved, you don't know if it'll ever happen again. If you haven't, you can always assume that its gotta happen at least once. So sorry everyone.-
You stroll back into the office and go up to your editor's desk. He has just finished reading your submission for Bleach 407 and has comments for you. He smiles and hands them to you on a sheet of paper.
- 1. Could there be more bankais?
- 2. I like the the return of popular characters, but why do they look so different?
- 3. Why has your style changed, it seems immature for you.
- 4. Love the black out on page 4
The list goes on with another 2 dozen or so items, but you don't read past #4 as the list is already in the trash. You walk over to your personal desk, sit down, put your feet up on the table, and take a snooze.
-The following chapter will be a little different. It will be madlib based. Fill out as many or all of the choices as you want. Don't worry about tenses of proper plurals... I'll fix them in the final draft.-
- 1. A verb
- 2. Office Location
- 3. Shonen Jump Author
- 4. Verb
- 5. Meal
- 6. Verb for writing
- 7. Noun
- 8. Colloquial Greeting
- 9. Body part
- 10. Adjective.
- 11. Marvel Comics Character
- 12. Non-Shonen Jump Manga
(At this point, The One That Might vanished, and Purging_Flame took over.)
-This topic is too awesome to die. If the TC is gone for whatever reason, I hope he doesn't mind if I continue it. It probably won't be as awesome, but I'll try. Since I have no idea where TC was gonna go for his next choice, I'll just begin with Kubo waking up from his snooze.-
You are wakened from your light snooze only to discover that the building is now dark and empty. Clearly you must have overslept. It’s understandable; after working so hard to produce such an impressive chapter, it’s only natural that you relax a little. With the burden of reaching your deadline removed, you begin to realise once again just how much you love your life.
Such happy thoughts deserve a theme tune. You reach into your jacket pocket and bring out your KuboPod. The packaging said it was an iPod, but permanent marker took care of that mistake. It has a picture of Aizen-chan on the front, to remind you of your success in writing such a great villain.
“Play, KuboPod!!” You yell at the top of your voice. Number One roars to life at maximum volume. The awesomeness brings a tear to your eye.
Getting up from your desk, a problem suddenly strikes you. How do you make your exit? It has to be suitably epic, or Number One will be wasted. What do you do?
- 1. Exit by force, storming the building and massacring any staff and security guards who try to stop you.
- 2. Sneak through the air vents like Solid Snake.
- 3. Before that, you need transport. With the Kubomobile destroyed, there’s only one option left. Go to the roof and summon the Kubocopter to make your getaway.
- 4. Jump out a window or something.
-Cool, I guess I'll continue.-
You realise that without some form of transport, escaping down to street level would be a bad idea. The security guards are no threat, but it would be truly dreadful for a mangaka of your calibur to be seen riding a common taxi. But what other option do you have? Suddenly, a stroke of genius hits you.
"Of course! The Kubocopter!" You exclaim, punching the air for emphasis.
Your personal helicopter, home-made and built entirely out of lego and used mechano, should still be on the roof; it was what you used for your last amazing entry, and with luck it should still be there. With Number One still reverberating through your head, you set off at a run, knocking over chairs and sending drafts and loose pages scattering in your wake. You swiftly exit into the hallway, where a lone security guard is on patrol. despite your best efforts, your attempt to flash step behind him fails.
"I'm sorry Kubo, but I cannot let you pass. In fact, I cannot let you leave this building alive." The security guard says ominously, reaching for his baton.
Briefly, you consider running. But a true Shonen mangaka like yourself would never turn his back to an enemy. Number One is with you and you are invincible. You don't give the guard time to react and leap forwards, slamming an open palm into his stomach. The mighty blow, enhanced and strengthened through years of harsh, wrist-breaking drawing knocks the guard to the ground. Briefly you notice that the man has no name tag, but ignore the puzzling information in favor of breaking the guard's neck with your bare hands.
"**** YOU, I'M KUBO TITE!!!" You yell, dashing up a nearby staircase.
Eventually you reach the roof, sighing with relief as you see that the Kubocopter is still there in all its home-made glory. Powered by four hydrogen cylinders duct-taped together and attached to an industrial-strength fan, the Kubocopter sits waiting for its pilot. You open the door and climb into the lego cockpit, briefly considering the series of levers and buttons that form the control panel for your pride and joy. Most serve no function, of course, but Hollywood has taught you that flashing lights and big red buttons increase the rule of cool. If a movie actor can fly a helicopter with ease, then so can Japans greatest manga artist.
You ponder your destination. Where should you go so late in the day?
- 1. Back home, it's sleepy time.
- 2. Go visit your bro Oda, to see what's up.
- 3. You still haven't visited Kishi, lets go there.
- 4. Push the big red button and let your hydrogen-powered deathtrap decide!
-No matter what happens, we'll always love Kubo. Even if you're ashamed to admit it, it's okay. And you know what? He loves us too.-
With no immediate destination coming to mind, you decide to entrust your fate to the big red button that served you so well during your previous landing. Raising a clenched fist, you slam the button down with all your strength. A deafening roar briefly overpowers Number One, still looping on your Kubopod, and the entire contraption shakes with the effort of lift off. In next to no time you are hurtling across the cityscape in no particular direction.
After several minutes, however, you realise that something is wrong. You are being followed. Several large black helicopters are swiftly chasing you down. The pocket radio duct taped to your control panel hisses to life suddenly.
"It's over, Kubo-san. There is no escape."
"Who is this? Why're you crimping my style?" You yell back, angry at yet another interruption.
"Oh, don't play dumb with me. Can't you recognise my voice?"
A burst of gunfire cuts the conversation short. You swerve desperately to avoid the hail of bullets, but your lego armor is no match for cold, hard steel. But then something far worse than gunfire happens. Number One has stopped mid-line.
An ordinary man would have felt the bullet slicing through his jacket, destroying his iPod utterly. An ordinary man would realise that there was a perfectly rational reason as to why the music had suddenly ceased.
But you are Kubo Tite.
And you know the truth; that Number One stopping can mean only one thing. Impending disaster. It is then that you realise just who you were talking to over the radio. It was none other than...
- 1. Masashi Kishimoto, trying to shut you up after stealing your idea.
- 2. Your Shonen Jump Editor, after you killed his lover over Spaghetti-O's.
- 3. Mecha-Kubo, sent to replace you at the behest of one of the above.
- 4. Actually, you have no idea who it is.
-Number one, eh? Guess I'll save Mecha-Kubo for another time. Twice the Kubo, twice the mayhem. This chapter's a bit dialogue-heavy, hope nobody minds. Just imagine Kishi with a Blofeld-style voice and it'll be fine.-
...none other than that of Masashi Kishimoto, your arch enemy and creator of rival Shonen series 'Naruto'.
"So it is you, Kishimoto...I should have realised it sooner, but I was loving my life too much to realise..."
"Keikaku doori, Kubo-san. I knew that you would be vulnerable after submitting your latest chapter. After all, the only thing you love more than your life is making lots and lots of money...It was all going to plan, but you woke up before my agent in the security staff could get to you. But no matter. I didn't think that ridiculous 'Kubocopter' would actually fly, yet I made sure backups were ready in case it did. Failing to plan is planning to fail, or so they say."
"All of this, just for one stolen idea? You're insane!" You yell into the radio as you swerve to avoid another hail of bullets. A terrible grating sound is coming from the scaffolding propellor shaft, but you pay it no heed; this sort of thing always happens in the movies.
"Kubo-san, Kubo-san...you think so small. It's not about plagiarism. It's much, much more than that. It's about the fanbase. Think about it...what happens when the so-called 'Big Three' becomes the 'Big Two'? Your fanbase will have nothing to read, and in their dazed, confused, Bleach-less state, they will gravitate towards the remaining two."
"The penny drops. Yes, Kubo-san, I get more readers, and therefore make more of the money you love so much. And after that? I fear that our friend Eichiro Oda must meet with a tragic accident, securing Naruto's place as the greatest Shonen manga ever made. It. Is. Inevitable."
Of course. It all makes sense. With Bleach, Japan's best written and best selling number one manga removed, Kishimoto's Naruto will rise to dominance. So simple. So genius. But there's one mistake that Kishimoto has made. One that you vow will be his undoing.
"Kishimoto." You speak into the radio, surprised at how calm your voice is.
"Your plan is indeed impressive. If it was just that, just killing me, I could accept it."
"But you made one tiny error, Kishimoto. You threatened Oda. Oda is my bestest Bro in the whole world. And you know what? I'm not going to let you kill him. You're going down, Kishi. My counterattack begins now."
What happens next?!?!?!
- 1. Turn around and fire the torpedoes! I mean, missiles!
- 2. Turn around and ram the nearest enemy helicopter. Survival? You're sure you'll think of something.
- 3. You're outgunned and outplanned. Time to call in some backup. (Include suggestions as to who to call).
- 4. Push buttons at random, that might work.
-Well, out of all the #3 votes, Aizen is the winner. What now, OT? WHAT NOW
You realise that you're going to need some backup in order to defeat this many enemies. Quickly, you reach into the glove compartment and pull out your adress book. Surely some of your BFF's within will be willing to help you out. You scroll down the list, using only one hand to pilot the damaged Kubocopter. You quickly spot several people who seem promising. Switching on your cell phone, you ring the first number.
"... This is Kurumada. Regrettably I am not at home at the minute due to me writing awesome lyrics for my amazing manga and drawing Lost Canvas. If your message is truly important, which I doubt, please leave your query after the tone. -beep-"
Okay, that didn't go so well. Next number!
"... .... .... Hello, this is Kentaro Miura's number, Unfortunately he is unavaliable right now due to the wonders of the new Idolm@ster game. Berserk? **** that, moar moe idolz!!!! Please leave your message after the tone. -beep-"
You begin to sweat slightly. Things are getting desperate.
"... .... Good evening, Akira Toriyama here. Sadly I cannot answer your call at the moment because **** YOU, I DON'T HAVE TO GIVE A REASON, I CREATED DRAGONBALL, DID YOU CREATE DRAGONBALL? NO, AND THEN TOEI WENT AND ****ED IT UP WITH GT. IMMA SO ANGRY!!!! I BET YOU NEVER WOULD'VE THOUGHT I HAD SO MUCH RAGE IN ME?!?! Please leave your message after the tone. -beep."
Oh. Oh dear. It seems that none of your BFF's are available. A small explosion rocks your flying machine; one of the hydrogen tanks must have ruptured. It looks like this is the end. But then you see the last name in your adress book, in the bottom corner of the last page. You smile. It's time to call in your secret weapon.
- INTERMISSION - -
Kishimoto sits in the largest of the black helicopters, sipping a glass of red wine. Everything is going smoothly. Soon Kubo's ridiculous contraption will fall out of the sky and phase one of his plan will be complete. Nobody will be coming to help him; Kishimoto knows every name in Kubo's adress book, having stolen an old copy years ago, and made sure that they were all occupied for the whole day, just in case. It's not like he would've made any new friends anyway.
Soon, his superior manga, 'Naruto', will rule shonen jump forever. Truly, it is a good day to be Masashi Kishimoto.
Or so he thinks. Hearing footsteps on cold metal approaching him from behind, Kishimoto turns in his swivel chair...and all his plans fall apart in less than a second.
Before him stands Aizen Souske, wearing impossibly cool clothes and his third best smugface. It's not possible. Aizen is fictional! He can't be here!
"Good evening, Kishimoto-san. I see that you haven't been expecting me. That's not surprising, all things considered." Greasy smugness oozes from every syllable.
"Y-you...you can't...but you aren't..." Kishimoto splutters, choking on his red wine.
"Aren't real? Kishimoto-san, when did you come under the impression that I wasn't real? When did you begin to think that all of this, all of your actions up to this point, were not directed by me? And did you truly believe that the popularity of your series 'Naruto' was really the result of your own efforts?"
Kishimoto can't move. Aizen's words have him paralyzed. It's not possible. The sheer impossibility of what Aizen is saying is laughable. But Aizen has done these things before. Deep down, Kishimoto knows that it must be true.
"Did you know, Kishimoto? Nobody has ever stood at the top of Shonen Jump. To do so requires more skill than anyone living posesses. But now things are different. From now on, I will stand atop Shonen Jump. You have outlived your usefulness, Kishimoto-san. Farewell."
At that very moment, six black helicopters exploded simultaneously. How it happened is impossible to determine, but one fact is undoubtedly true; while it happened, Aizen switched to his very best smugface.
- INTERMISSION END - -
You see the helicopters explode through the mirror taped to the side of the Kubocopter's door. You heave a sight of relief. You knew that Aizen-chan would pull through for you. He always does, after all. You contemplate how to repay him. A new Bleach chapter, full of smugfaces and villain monologues should suffice for now. He loves those so much, and so do you. You realise that you really should land somewhere. It would be terrible if you met a tragic end in midair. You decide to...
- 1. Crash into your house at top speed for a super stylish entry. You're pretty sure that you'll be okay.
- 2. The Kubocopter is your pride and joy! It needs repairs! Oda would help you; you did save his life. Visit Oda and get him to help you.
- 3. Just jump out, mang, it's quicker.
-Bleach, best shonen manga or BESTEST shonen manga? How silly, we all know the answer.-
You decide to make an emergency landing at Oda's residence. It must be suitably epic, so you push the engines to maximum, heedless of the damage that your recklessness is causing to the interior workings. It'll be repaired soon after all, so why hold back? Another explosion behind you indicates that a second hydrogen tank has burst, and a casual glance in the mirror shows the rear half of the Kubocopter engulfed in an orange fireball.
This is going to be the most dynamic entrance you've ever attempted. The stench of burnt lego fills the cockpit as you wrestle with the controls, every movement focused on keeping the deathtrap moving towards Oda's house, which, by contrived coincidence, is down the street ahead of you. A rain of molten plastic trails you, horribly disfiguring any unfortunates on the streets below. You give them the finger. **** them, you're Kubo Tite.
You grit your teeth, preparing for impact. Your life flashes before your eyes.
Your first manga, Zombie Powder. You were so proud when it was serialised. You were so certain that it would rise to the top of the manga world. But sadly, it was not to be, and you couldn't love your life enough to continue it.
The submission of the first chapter of your magnum opus, Bleach, the best written, most deeply philosophical manga ever drawn.
The call from Shonen Jump that an anime for Bleach had been greenlit, and you celebrating with Oda, your BFF for life.
And finally, making lots and lots of money.
The Kubocopter smashes into Oda's lawn, gouging a deep furrow through his ca*****s patch. The impact hurls you through the plastic windscreen, your body bouncing off the concrete patio and smashing through a second floor window. You hit the ceiling with a jarring thud, your body propelled diagonally downwards by the impact, through a wall and into the next room. You come to rest on one of Oda's best beanbags. It takes you a moment to notice that Oda himself is in the room.
"Oda, my soul bro...I need help." You say, casually. He looks back at you with glazed, unfocused eyes.
"K-kubo...Kubo, my friend, that was the greatest dynamic entry ever! Even better than when you used the Bullet Train!"
You nod sagely. Of course it was, though the Bullet Train had been more explosive. Barely. You quickly explain the situation, about how Kishimoto was really an evil mastermind and how Aizen-chan had saved you from certain death. Oda is all too willing to help, especially after hearing about how you saved his life.
"Of course I'll help you, bro. Just let me go down into my greenhouse so I can get some 'inspiration'. You want any?"
You will need all your wits and intelligence for the upcoming repairs, so you naturally accept. As Oda wanders off to obtain 'inspiration', you wonder how to improve your design. You realise that you could improve it by...
- 1. Painting it red, it'll go 3x faster.
- 2. Adding more hydrogen. Clearly more power = better, right? It's how Bleach usually works, after all. Isn't it?
- 3. Including a secret weapon, so you won't get shot down again. (Include suggestions for weapon. If no clear winner emerges, I'll pick the one I like best. Democracy rules.)
- 4. Providing a in-built music player. Number One will not fail you again.
- 5. Using better building materials. Metal is better than lego, right? There's plenty of tin foil lying around, and everyone knows that tins are hard to open.
- 6. Adding hard points and slots. You never know, you might form a Megazord one day.
-Okay, for this one, vote for two options rather than one, and at the end I'll go with the two that have the most votes.-
-Okay, the results are in! Lets see what upgrades our heroic duo manage to come up with...-
You decide that a coat of stylish red paint is in order. You also get the feeling that this will somehow triple its airspeed. It was probably a reference from Bleach, after all only you could come up with such a marvelous idea. But there's something else, something that needs fixing. Of course! If only you had had Number One playing during the fight, you wouldn't have needed Aizen-chan! Surely you would have won the day in a stylish and plausible manner if there was a built in music player.
But what would happen if, like the Kubopod, it was destroyed by a stray bullet? You decide that some armor plating is needed. But what would be strong enough? Your eyes roam the room, and you realise that you must have landed in Oda's playroom. The floor is littered with bean bags, magazines, old issues of Shonen Jump, and a few scattered handheld game consoles. Wait a minute...
"It's so brilliant..." You breathe. Of course! The hardest alloy in the world is staring you in the face! The scattered Game Boys and Nintendo DS's will provide an ample supply of Nintendium, the hardest element in the universe. Naturally, this will result in the destruction of said items, but Oda is your true friend forever. You're sure he won't mind.
A moment later Oda returns, eyes even more glazed than they were before, stumbling all over the place before offering you some he****e and co****e. Naturally you accept, since it would be terribly rude to refuse such a kind gesture. You feel slightly odd afterwards, but pay it no mind. You have a masterpiece to repair, and no amount of stumbling and vomiting all over yourself is going to stop you.
You head outside and attempt to salvage as much as you can from the burnt out wreck. Most of the lego is melted, and only one hydrogen tank has survived the crash. Oda claims this will be no problem and wanders off, conversing wildly with an apparently invisible man called 'Luffy'. He's probably gone to find more hydrogen. You feel lucky to have such a true bro helping you.
Oda's huge supply of lego pirate ships provide for excellent raw materials, and the framework is soon completed. The Kubocopter's hull looks vaguely shiplike, and sports hundreds of tiny lego pirates clinging to the outer frame as a result, giving you an army of loyal yet inanimate crewmembers. You wonder where Oda has got to.
Suddenly he returns, dragging three hydrogen canisters behind him. This is perfectly normal; people show up like this all the time in Bleach, after all. With his help you connect the fuel lines to a stolen car engine and rig up a new set of propellors. Everything is going smoothly. All that's left is to wait for the paint to dry so that you can take off in style.
It's almost morning by the time you're done. What should you do while you wait?
- 1. You're pretty tired, now that you think about it. Go to sleep next to Oda again.
- 2. Explore Oda's house. It'd be a fun adventure!
- 3. Go on the internet and browse your favourite message board, Anime and Manga - Other Titles.
- 4. Watch reruns of Bleach on Oda's TV.
-Today on You Are Kubo Tite, Kubo visits OTkun! What will he think of our tsundere attitude? Will he even notice!? Lets find out.-
You decide it's time to see what your adoring fans are saying about you. You hunt through Oda's house and quickly find his computer. You hack the password using your l33t sk1llz and begin browsing the internet. There is one site in particular that you are looking forward to visiting.
At last you find it; a strange, quirky American site called GameFAQs, hosting a particular message board, Anime and Manga - Other Titles. It was this very board that informed you that Gene Simmon's son was a mangaka. That surprised you immensely, and you initially found it quite worrisome. There was some other vague inference that he had plagiarised Bleach but, compared to the other information it was quite inconsequential. It's only natural that someone would want to copy and paste such magnificent panels into their own work; you actually find it rather flattering. Of course, it also opens up the option for sueing for lots and lots of money, which is another plus.
Sadly, your english reading skills are fairly poor, so you can't tell exactly what's being said about you. However, you are fairly certain that the forum-goers are discussing your artistic talent, brilliant pacing and superb storytelling abilities. There appears to be a delightful meme going around where you flip off your editors, ending with the immortal line '**** YOU IM KUBO TITE'. How adoring your fans are to know what you say in real life! You make a mental note to say it more often.
Judging by the number of topics with the word 'Bleach' in the title, you can tell that it is very popular. As if there was any doubt. Some are clearly powerlevel debates, and some are discussions on particular characters, like Toshiro Hitsugaya and Momo Hinamori. Clearly these must be popular characters, so you resolve to give them more panel time. After all, it's important to keep the fans happy. Some topics are about your favourite character and protagonist of Bleach, Aizen-chan. You pay particular attention to these, noting that everybody loves him and wants to see more of him. You note with disappointment those who persist in calling Ichigo the main character. That was only the case until Aizen-chan arrived. Perhaps you didn't make it clear enough. Adding more smugfaces should be sufficient to convince everyone.
Sadly, you have no account of your own. You have tried numerous times to have one made, but the account creation process has defeated you every single time. Why couldn't it be in Japanese? This silly gaijin language confuses you. You resolve to keep trying, since it is very important to connect to your fans. Perhaps you should send a poorly written email to the Admin asking for the forum to be renamed Anime and Manga - Bleach. All the others are inconsequential, after all.
You continue to browse until the sun comes up, then log off and return to the Kubocopter. The paint is dry and everything seems to be ready for your dynamic exit. Where do you go from here?
- 1. Back home, you have another chapter of Bleach to draw!
- 2. To Kishimoto's lair. What else was he up to?
- 3. Big red button, how I love you so...(ie. you decide!)
- 4. 1, 2 or 3, but take Oda along as well.
-I wonder if Kubo's life really is this awesome. Somehow it wouldn't surprise me. Also, I love how this turned into an action adventure. It's tough coming up with fun ideas, but I'll keep going till people get bored.-
You realise that although your nemesis Kishimoto is now deceased, there's no telling what plans of his are already in motion. The only option is to venture into the belly of the beast; to infiltrate Kishimoto's supervillain lair within Mt. Fuji and neutralise everything inside. Oda still isn't safe either, so you drag his drug addled body into the cockpit with you. He keeps mumbling about Sabos and Luffys, but you pay it no mind. He does this sort of thing all the time.
You hit the ignition switch with all your might. The refurbished Kubocopter rockets upwards, propelled by hydrogen, red paint and the power of Number One on an infinite loop. It really does seem to be three times faster than before. Perhaps you should paint yourself red. It might help your flash steps.
In no time at all you are thundering across the sky in the vague direction of Kishi's secret volcano lair. Your thoughts turn to your archenemy's words.
"He said that the security dude was his agent." You pause, thinking carefully.
"Then who put the bomb in the Kubomobile?" Clearly there is more to this than meets the eye. Could Kishimoto really have done everything alone?
But you have little time to ponder these things because crudely welded warning diodes are lighting up all over the control panel. The view through the windscreen shows Mt. Fuji straight ahead, criss-crossed by the exhaust streaks of surface to air missiles. A grim smile flickers across your lips. Of course it wouldn't be so easy.
Reaching across, you shake Oda violently, waking him from his catatonia. Upon seeing what awaits the two of you, your BFF for life begins ranting about how he isn't going to let the 'World Government' sink his 'Pirate Ship'. He begins mashing buttons wildly, deploying decoy firecrackers in an attempt to ward off the missiles. You nod approvingly, and open up with your twin mounted paintball guns. Sadly, the enemy must be using Heirro, since none of your weapons have any effect.
"I wont let you stop me now!" You shout dramatically, repeatedly hammering the ignition button for emphasis. You swiftly put the Kubocopter into a steep drive, watching through the rear view mirror as the missiles converge on your position. At the last possible second you pull up, giving the missiles the finger as they slam harmlessly into the ground. A massive fireball erupts from the point of impact, but most of the damage has been avoided.
But your victory was not without cost. Several of your plastic pirate comrades were melted by the fireball, and you shed a silent tear for their brave sacrifice. Perhaps you should introduce some new characters into Bleach to commemorate this moment. Poor Oda is affected even more than you, holding the charred remains in his hands and crying about the deaths of his crew.
"This is unforgivable!" You growl, and promise yourself that you will get to the bottom of this madness. As Kishimoto's landing bay stretches before you, you wonder where to start your investigation...
- 1. The control room, for some dramatic action scenes! Everyone loves those!
- 2. Kishimoto's private quarters, complete with laser hallway. What was he scheming?
- 3. The manga studio. You need some inspiration for your next chapter.
- 4. The medical bay, you need to get Oda detoxed.
- 5. The mysterious *Sealed Room*. What could be inside?
-So, OT wants the *Sealed Room* does it? Okay. But you best be ready for a -dramatic reveal-.-
You remember walking past a strange door on your way to the studio. It had an inordinate number of locks and keypads, and a stern warning against anyone but Kishimoto entering. If such a door were to appear in Bleach, it would certainly be important, even if you didn't reference it for a hundred chapters. This is obviously your next port of call.
The dull metal hallways of the base are still deserted. Maybe everyone's on coffee break. You could really do with some coffee. Maybe you should get some after you investigate the sealed room. Perhaps you should install a coffee machine in the Kubocopter when you get the opportunity.
All coffee related thoughts vanish as soon as you reach the mysterious door. You wonder vaguely how you are going to open it. There are numerous locks and two different keypads. Since you do not know the passwords, clearly you will have to break the door down. It is made of solid steel, but as long as you use Two Hands like Kenpachi, you should have no problems. Grabbing a nearby conveniently and nonsensically placed metal pole, you take a mighty Two Handed swing at the door.
The door's Hierro is strong but folds completely under the weight of your Two Handed assault and flys off its hinges into the dingy room beyond. All armor is useless against Two Hands, after all. The room before you is unlit, and you can see little. Since removing your awesome shades is not an option, you must press further into the dark beyond. You could simply turn on the lights, but that wouldn't be dramatic enough.
There are only a few objects inside the room. A glass case containing a book entitled 'Death Note' hangs on the far wall. A small table resides at the centre of the room with another book, obviously a journal of some kind. On the floor are numerous humanoid shapes covered by tarps, with wiring and electrical cables snaking into the walls and floor. Clearly you have discovered the root of a massive conspiracy of some sort.
You pick up the journal first. It is entitled, 'Masashi Kishimoto's World Domination Journal. Do not read ESPECIALLY if you are Kubo Tite.' Suddenly a dilemma occurs to you. This should be a dramatic moment; the big conspiracy reveal, the beginning of an epic story arc. If you stop the conspiracy now, it won't be dramatic. It might even be sensible, and we can't have that. But doing nothing could put Oda, your true friend, in danger.
"What am I talking about? I will definitely protect Oda with my life!" You exclaim exuberantly, turning on your heel, a dramatic wind from nowhere ruffling your jacket. You are Kubo Tite. You can be both dramatic and practical. You place the journal in your inside pocket. You can read it later. You exit the sealed room swiftly, failing to notice that one of the humanoid shapes within has begun to stir...
Your next destination is...
- 1. The control room. Oda stole your action scene since you took so long, gg.
- 2. Kishimoto's private quarters. The laser hallway got bored and wandered off.
- 3. The cafeteria. You need your coffee, dammit.
- 4. The security room. The laser hallway decided to take up residence here instead.
-In this chapter, Kubo goes for a coffee break! But will he manage it?!?!?!-
You decide to act on your coffee related thoughts. It makes up more than half of what you drink, after all, and it's important to keep that average up. First of all, you should see if you can permanently borrow a coffee machine to install in the Kubocopter, in case you ever feel like a cuppa mid flight. You're fairly certain that you don't need your hands in order to control it, and in any case it would increase your coolness factor by 71.2%.
You begin to set off, only to find your BFF Oda stumbling around the corner towards you, his scruffy clothes torn. He appears to be wearing a lampshade on his head. His eyes are still slightly unfocused. He smiles when he notices you.
"Hey, Kubo my man! Listen, you're never going to believe it!"
"What's up BFF? Looks like you just had an action scene!"
"I avenged my crew! I fought my way past over 1000 guards and into the control room! The last guard was huge with purple skin and three eyes and had this awesome hat." He points to the lampshade. You realise that Oda must have defeated all the guards, which is why you didn't find any.
You nod approvingly, it certainly is very stylish. Maybe you should get one to improve your image. Suddenly a loud explosion sounds from deep within the base. Oda grins sheepishly.
"There was this huge red button and I pushed it, and then this computery voice said that we had ten minutes to get out before the volcano erupts and stuff!"
You ponder this for a moment before the realisation hits in. An escape scene! A daring escape, outrunning the fireball by seconds, striking an awesome pose as the base explodes behind you before flying off into the sunset. You share your idea with Oda, who agrees wholeheartedly. That's why he's your best bro. He understands these kinds of things.
You manage to snag a coffee machine from the cafe in the intervening minutes, hastily duct taping it to the Kubocopter's control panel before preparing for liftoff. With only seconds to go, you take off, a wall of flames and debris erupting from the landing bay doors behind you as Mt. Fuji blows its top, causing untold economical and ecological damage. But **** that, you're Kubo Tite and you just had the best dramatic exit EVER.
You share a cup of delicious instant coffee with your friend for life as the Kubocopter lurches along. You ponder what to do after you drop Oda back at his house. You think it would be best if you...
- 1. Return home. A dramatic entrance is, as always, mandatory.
- 2. Look at Kishi's journal and figure out his plans.
- 3. Fly over the nearest military base. Perhaps they'll adopt the Kubocopter as their standard helicopter.
- 4. Both #2 and #3 because the first option SUCKS.
-At last we find out Kishi's Master Plan. Will Kubo be able to avert destruction? Or will he be shot down by a military jet? Lets find out.-
You realise that the best course of action would be to find out what Kishimoto had planned. You've left it just long enough to be dramatic, and after dropping Oda off at his house you take out his journal. You scan the pages quickly, your heart sinking with every word.
Masashi Kishimoto's Plan for Shonen Jump Domination:
1. Buy red wine for celebrations. This is the most important step.
2. Form organisation of interested parties. Name of organisation must be cool.
3. Recieve Death Note from Obata.
4. Removal of both Kubo Tite and Eichiro Oda. They are my main rivals. They will be eliminated one at a time to ensure no suspicion falls upon myself.
4a. If the Death Note fails, more direct action will be taken.
4b. If that also fails, I'm hosed. Cyanide pills are available in the medical bay.
5. Removal of any 'problematic' mangaka. Considerations are Yoshihiro Togashi (HxH), Hideaki Sorachi (Gin Tama) and Toshiaki Iwashiro (Psyren).
6. Replacements of the aforementioned with robot duplicates. Their work will be vastly inferior and ultimately result in their serials being cancelled. I will rule supreme.
The realisation hits you like a hammerblow. Kishimoto completed around half of his plan. There's still an entire evil organisation out there, unknown and unchecked! It's just like when you introduced the Espada! Who knows when one of them will turn up and wreak havoc throughout the city? You vaguely remember seeing a 'Death Note' somewhere, but you can't recall it clearly. You have no idea who Obata is, probably some hack from out of town.
Suddenly your radio crackles to life and a rather irate voice begins shouting at you.
"Attention unidentified aircraft! You have entered JSDF military airspace! Turn around immediately! Repeat, you have entered JSDF military airspace..."
Looking out of the window you can see what is clearly a military installation on the ground below. Two JSDF jets have taken off and are slowly rising towards you. You really don't have time for this. You have to save Shonen Jump, and to do that you need to go home and sleep! Everyone knows that sleeping restores your health to 100% and, in rare cases, lets you level up faster.
You should clearly explain your situation to that jerk on the other end of the radio. It must be a polite, reasoned discussion. Luckily, you are good at explaining things.
"**** YOU IM KUBO TITE!!!" You scream into the radio. That usually brings people around to your way of thinking. For a moment, there is silence, and then...
"You...you are Kubo-sama? Really!?! Ah, I'm so sorry! It's an honour to have such a distinguished mangaka flying over our base! All of us are huge fans of your excellent manga, Bleach! Whenever we go abroad to fight in silly baka gaijin wars, we always take volumes of bleach with us, to remind us that resolve is the key to victory!" The voice now sounds awed.
You smile to yourself. It's good to be popular. It's only natural; whilst Bleach is a highly philosophical and deeply psychological masterpiece, it also contains a great deal of sage advice on military matters. Once again, you congratulate yourself on writing such a work of art.
You quickly explain the situation and are allowed to take a shortcut back home. You powerslide the Kubocopter through your garden, then dive out of the cockpit whilst its still moving, smashing through an upstairs window and landing on your bed. You decide to sleep for a while. When you wake up, you resolve to...
- 1. Stop kishimoto's plan immediately! Be proactive and go looking for the organisation!
- 2. Wait it out. In Bleach, and real life, the villains always come to you eventually.
- 3. Forget about Kishimoto, Bleach awaits! You need to draw the next chapter!
- 4. Watch reruns of Bleach on your TV.
-Wat? The last chapter in this topic wasn't 410? **** YOU IM KUBO TITE, CONTINUITY MEANS NOTHING IN THE FACE OF COMEDY.-
You decide that it's high time you continued work on your magnum opus. You can't quite recall what chapter number you're on. It was probably 408 or 409 or something. You decide to go for 411 for no particular reason. What happened last chapter? It was probably something to do with the main character, Aizen-chan. Oh yes, that's right! He was about to slaughter some unpopular, unimportant minor characters. He likes doing that, especially since they often survive so he can do it again later on.
You grab some paper and get to work. Your editors told you to include something called 'Bakgrownds'. You wonder what these 'bakgrownds' are. They probably aren't too important, so you just do what comes naturally. The cover will be...hmm...A full page spread of Ichigo. No, that's too boring. A page spread of half of Ichigo, with the other half being younger Zangetsu? No, still not stylish enough. Okay, a full page spread of a third of Ichigo, a third of Zangetsu and a third of Hollow Ichigo, with a shattering Hollow Mask in the background crossed with a multicoloured Getsuga Tenshou.
Perfect. You get to work colouring it.
Now for the rest of the chapter. You pick up your best clicky pencil and begin to sketch.
Page One: Full page of reaction shots from Gin, Aizen-chan and everyone else regarding the mysterious stranger.
Page Two: Lower half of mysterious stranger's body. Nothing is given away.
Page Three: Cut back to Hueco Mundo, where Yammy is still fighting Byakuya and co.
Pages Four - Ten: Fight scenes, speed lines. You spill some ink and cover it up by saying that it's a new type of Cero.
Page Eleven: Yammy gets bigger and RAGES.
Page Twelve: Yammy gets bigger again and RAGES more.
Page Thirteen: Speech bubbles and close ups of everyone's faces. You'll think of what to write in them later.
Page Fourteen: Adult Nel shows up, gets oneshotted, becomes a loli again.
Page Fifteen: Grimmjow shows up, gets oneshotted, becomes a shot-owaitnevermind, he was never a shota to begin with.
Page Sixteen - Seventeen: Two page spread of everyone facing down Yammy. Includes copious amounts of Resolve.
Page Eighteen: Only four panels, two of which are blank with the other two being footshots.
Page Nineteen: Ishida appears behind Yammy.
You sit back and admire your handiwork. Another excellent chapter finished. Perhaps, one day, when you've finished Bleach, you will draw a manga about your own life. A few names will be changed of course, but everything else will be perfect. The tale of the amazing Tubo, with his lovable sidekick Eda, facing down the evil Mishimoto and his villanous organisation, culminating in an epic battle for the fate of the world.
You switch on the TV, hoping to watch some Bleach reruns. The news channel flickers to life, running articles about the death of Masashi Kishimoto in a Tragic Helicopter Accident, and about Mt. Fuji erupting. Boring. You switch off the TV and lie down, wondering what you should do now. As soon as you do so, the doorbell rings. Annoyed at the intrusion, you run downstairs. You open the door to find...
- 1. The mailman (Who may or may not be an assassin)
- 2. A deadly ninja.
- 3. A shady government official.
- 4. The milkman (Who may or may not be part of a conspiracy)
- 5. Mecha Kubo.
-It's time for the Kubonator. "**** YOU, ILL BE BACK."-
You open the door to find...
...yourself. Your mind goes into meltdown. How can this be possible? Do you, Kubo Tite, actually have a long lost brother? Or is it an evil twin? Or a clone? Whatever the answer, movies have taught you that exact duplicates are never a good thing. You quickly move to shut the door; if you can't see it, it can't hurt you.
Your doppleganger draws back his fist and FALCOWN PAWNCHES you in the gut. You fly backwards, through two separate walls and out into your backyard. You slam into the ground, your jacket smouldering from the incredible impact. Your sunglasses are knocked off and smashed, and you quickly reach into an inside pocket for your spare pair. If you're going to be beaten down, you might as well do it in style.
Not!You is swiftly closing the distance towards you, an evil red colour glowing behind his shades. You quickly dive to the side as a high powered laser slices through the air, missing you by mere inches. Clearly this is one of the robot duplicates from Kishimoto's master plan. You flash step behind the robot and prepare to deliver a crippling blow. Suddenly, you realise that Mecha Kubo has vanished. Your eyes widen behind your shades.
"Naive." Says your voice from behind you.
The world turns upside down, and you are once again smashed through two separate walls, landing in your front yard this time. Luckily you're pretty tough, so a few broken ribs and a shattered sternum won't slow you down too much. But there's no time to waste, as your robot doppleganger is approaching fast. You scramble across the driveway towards the Kubomobile...which isn't there, because some moron destroyed it. Well, ****.
At that moment, Mecha Kubo deploys his flamethrower. If you don't figure something out fast, you're going to die, and then there will be no more Bleach! What should you do?
- 1. It's time to get serious. That's right guys, it's time for some good old fasioned RESOLVE.
- 2. This opponent is too tough right now. Time to activate your Shikai.
- 3. The flags are against you. Make the opponent trip some loser flags (Include suggestions as to which flags).
- 4. Clearly, this is a job for the Kubocopter. Take to the skies and bombard the enemy from the air.
-This is where things get ugly...-
Things have gone too far. You're on the ropes; you need a powerup, and fast. Reaching into your apparently infinitely deep jacket pocket, you bring out an old and battered remote control. Out of all the buttons on the device, only one actually works. This is, of course, the Big Red Button. You point the remote skywards, then swing it down with all your might, screaming the activation words and striking an epic pose.
The wall behind Mecha Kubo explodes in a shower of splinters as the Kubocopter smashes through it, grinding your robotic foe against the floor. Your mechanical creation creaks and groans, lego rearranging itself and transforming from a helicopter into something else. Something...beautiful. Mecha Kubo recovers quickly but is powerless to act; after all, shonen rules dictate that nothing can interrupt transformation sequences.
After a lengthy transformation scene, your shikai is fully revealed. You quickly climb into the cockpit, your lego pirate co-pilots already at their stations within. According to the flashing lego LED's, you are green across the board. The Kubozord towers over Mecha Kubo, standing nearly as tall as your house, ready to kick ass and take names.
But Mecha Kubo is not put off by this show of force. His chestplate opens suddenly, revealing rows of heat seeking missiles. You desperately fend off the robot's renewed assault, deflecting the projectlies with arm mounted fan blades. Suddenly there are no more missiles and you take advantage of the lull, striking down at Mecha Kubo with a lego plated fist. Your doppleganger is thrown backwards twenty feet, smashing into the street beyond your front yard.
You flick a switch and Number One blares to life. Mecha Kubo stirs but you are faster, blasting his prone form with the Kubozord's shoulder mounted paintball canons, ruining his clothes and decreasing his coolness factor by 13.4%. The android responds by firing his laser (Or is it a red cero?) at you, slicing through reinforced lego armor plating and disabling your coffee machine. You watch in horror as your newly aquired caffeine device sizzles and burns under the horrendous assault.
"This is unforgivable!" You roar, charging forward and smashing Mecha Kubo into the pavement with a charging elbow drop.
This proves to be a fatal mistake, as Mecha Kubo retaliates instantly, smashing the Kubozord's left arm into its component bricks. Both of you are reeling from the repeated blows, yet you still have the strength to fight. If only you had installed some hard points, you could have called Oda and formed a Megazord! Alas, it was not meant to be. Your next move will be to...
- 1. Wait for Mecha Kubo to strike, then deliver a crushing Cross Counter. You call it 'The Kubo Cross'.
- 2. Use your hydrogen jetpack to take to the skies!
- 3. Hand in the next chapter of Bleach. This fight is all well and good, but you need to hand it in before the deadline.
-Soundtrack for this chapter: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mll2EwvxnrM-
You're at a disadvantage right now. Most of your combat experiences have been in the air. It gives you a whole new dimension to fight in. Plus, it'd be really cool. You activate the Kubozord's hydrogen jetpack, the intense gout of flames melting the tarmac beneath you. Briefly you wonder why it didn't do the same to the lego bodywork, then dismiss it as an idle concern. Realism is always sacrificed in the name of coolness; it's true of Bleach, so why not real life as well?
From your lofty vantage point you regard your opponent. Most of his synthetic flesh has been scraped off, revealing the robotic components beneath. You heave a sigh of relief; after all, shonen rules state that the uglier an opponent becomes, the closer they are to death. You open fire with your pneumatic scaffolding launcher, scoring a direct hit and impaling Mecha Kubo through the stomach.
Your moment of triumph is cut short, however, as Mecha Kubo pulls out the six foot long metal pole and hurls it back at you. Luckily, you are three times faster now, and easily evade the projectile. It's too early to celebrate, however, since Mecha Kubo has deployed his own jetpack and is hurtling towards you at considerable speed.
The aerial battle is intense and epic, much like the fight scenes in your hit manga, Bleach. Mecha Kubo's plasma cannons tear huge chunks out of your reinforced lego armor, and your fan blade arm slices off one of Mecha Kubo's legs. Your dogfighting takes you into the inner city, stray shots killing and wounding random passers by, but you don't care about them. They probably don't even read Bleach.
Suddenly Mecha Kubo delivers a crushing blow, sending a charged plasma shot straight into the Kubozord's chestplate. Molten lego erupts from the blast, and flashing alarms tell you that several key systems have been damaged. The impact sends you reeling, and the Kubozord slams backwards into a skyscraper, shards of glass and concrete flying everywhere. You desperately try to restart the engine, but nothing works. As Mecha Kubo draws closer, you begin to panic. Is this really the end?
You remember. What is the most decisive factor, in any battle? What can allow a weak and inexperienced fighter to win against a thousand year old veteran? What is, ultimately, a man's greatest weapon against adversity?
It's so simple.
Suddenly everything becomes clear and simple. You grit your teeth. You decide, then and there, that you cannot, WILL NOT, lose. You spring forwards, smashing through the windscreen of the Kubozord and out into open air. Mecha Kubo is in front of you, closing in. You crash into him, knocking him off balance.
Gathering all your strength, you tear out the robot's jetpack with your bare hands. As the two of you plummet towards the ground, you maneuver Mecha Kubo so that his head is facing downwards. The impact is enormous, sending a plume of vaporised tarmac into the air. Your atomic aerial suplex completely destroys Mecha Kubo's head, leaving his body a twitching wreck. Passers by stand and gape in disbelief that you could have survived.
Silly people. Your RESOLVE protected you, of course. You swiftly dust yourself off. Briefly you wonder what to do next. You decide that you will...
- 1. Go to the Shonen Jump building and hand in your latest chapter. Money doesn't grow on trees, after all! (Mental note: invent money tree).
- 2. Ring up your BFF BrOda and tell him about your amazing adventure!
- 3. Just go for a stroll. What could possibly go wrong? (Include suggestions for where to go.)
- 4. Go to an internet cafe, play some WOW.
-500 topic here we come-
You realise that it would be best if you handed in the next chapter of Bleach. You're in town anyway, and even though your entry won't be as stylish this time, it's always good to earn more delicious money. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, you've drawn the next chapter of Bleach and you just delivered an epic piledriver to a robot doppleganger. All in all, it's been a good day.
"Ah...it's such a good day. I love my life." You remark casually, strolling down the street towards the Shonen Jump building. Truly, it is a great day to be Kubo Tite.
As you walk, you consider the events of the past few days. Kishimoto is dead, and his evil supervillain lair has been destroyed. A nebulous evil organisation is still at work, however, and they will still be a threat even without their leader. Although you defeated Mecha Kubo, who can say what else is going on behind the scenes? There was some mention of a...what was it again? 'Desu Noto'? Oh well. Things will work themselves out somehow.
You enter the Shonen Jump building by diving through one of the plate glass windows. Your co-workers nod approvingly then go back to work doing whatever co-workers do. You hand in your final draft to your editor, then go to your office, back to where it all began. You decide to spend your free time designing clothes for several dozen new characters you plan to introduce. New characters are always good for moving the plot forward, even if they only appear momentarily.
Some time later an intern hands you a list of potential edits to your latest chapter. You chuckle at your silly editors before placing the list into the trash can. Bleach is perfect, after all. It really is a shame that some people can't appreciate your genius.
You begin to think very seriously about the concept of 'money trees'. Wouldn't it be wonderful if money really did grow on trees? Sadly, your experiments with planting 500 Yen coins in your garden have all failed so far, but you resolve to keep on trying. Maybe you should use gold dust as a fertiliser...
Suddenly there is a knock at the door. You move to open it, then stop. The last time this happened, a robotic killing machine tried to eviscerate you. You decide to be more careful this time, and open the door only a crack. Behind the door is...
- 1. Obata with a strange black notebook.
- 2. Togashi with a chainsaw.
- 3. Miura with his special Idolm@ster pattern DS.
- 4. Your editor with a shotgun.
- 5. ...Someone else... (Include suggestions)
-Prepare for epic mindscrew!-
...It's not possible. That's funny. It seems like you've been saying that a lot lately. Outside your office stands your archnemesis, Masashi Kishimoto. Alive.
"What..." You stammer, taking a step back.
"Hello there Kubo-san. Oh? Why so surprised? Ah, of course, you're wondering how I am alive. Kubo-san, since when were you under the impression that I was in that helicopter?"
"What do you mean? I heard you! Aizen-chan said you had been killed!"
"Kubo-san, Kubo-san...Who do you think I am? The 'me' inside the helicopter was a duplicate, a replica, a robotic simulacrum of myself. Yes, much like the Mecha Kubo you just destroyed."
Kishimoto's eyes suddenly begin to glow. There's some sort of red and black teardrop pattern that appears to be lighting up, but you pay it no mind. Your Shonen Senses are telling you that another action scene is fast approaching. But wait a moment...something isn't right. Kishimoto claims to have survived...and yet...
Suddenly it hits you, and it is all you can do not to laugh.
"Kishimoto. I'm afraid there has been a terrible mistake." You begin calmly, walking forwards towards the enemy. Kishimoto frowns.
"There is no mistake."
"On the contrary. There is a glaring error in your story. You were killed by Aizen-chan. Aizen-chan is perfect and flawless and a great villain, and would definitely know whether you were real or not. Also, Aizen-chan is my second best BFF. He wouldn't betray me like that." You begin explaining your flawless reasoning.
"That's got nothing-"
"No. You claim that the person in the helicopter was Mecha Kishimoto, but..." You take a deep breath.
"Kishimoto...you are the replica."
And then Kishi was a robot.
Kishimoto, or rather, Mecha Kishimoto, stares at you, open mouthed. To prove your point conclusively, you leap forwards, grab his head and grind his face against the nearest wall. Synthetic flesh tears, revealing the metal endoskeleton underneath. Mecha Kishimoto goes berserk.
"NOOOoooOOooooOOOO!!! iTS noT POSSibLE!! i AM THE reaL KISHIMOTO!!! i am NOT A faKE! AAAaaaAArrRRRghHH!! CRAWLING IN my SKin!!!!! WhAt am i FIGHtiNG fOr!?!?!?!"
It looks like Mecha Kishimoto has suffered a mental breakdown. Suddenly he activates his weapons systems, deploying a multitude of guns and cannons in order to destroy the Shonen Jump building. Things are looking serious. If the SJ building is destroyed, you wont get your money! And that's terrible! The best way to stop this is to...
- 1. Take Mecha Kishi down, right here, right now, one on one, the way it was meant to be.
- 2. Wait for a minute or two. With any luck, MK will kill your editors and finally put an end to their meddling.
- 3. Use the Power of Friendship! Gather all the SJ mangaka and have a team battle fraught with peril and awesome music!
-Buildup to the battle...-
It slowly clicks into place. An overpowering opponent...the fate of your world at stake...surrounded by a ragtag group of strangers...in Bleach, this would be an epic setup for an awesome team battle. Your course of action is clear; gather the mangaka of Shonen Jump and mount a desperate do-or-die resistance against Mecha Kishi. But do you have enough time?
You'll just have to make time. You charge forwards and deliver a crushing roundhouse kick to Mecha Kishi, sending him reeling and confusing his sensors long enough for you to escape down a nearby conveniently placed staircase. You wonder briefly where your fellow mangaka would be. Probably drinking delicious instant coffee in the cafeteria. Thoughts of coffee remind you of the Kubozord's heroic sacrifice, bringing manly tears to your eyes.
A rumbling from the floor above indicates that Mecha Kishi has recovered from your assault. It seems that you have little time to spare, but thankfully by another coincidence the cafeteria is right in front of you. You flash step inside and survey the situation.
Several of your colleagues are seated inside the cafe. Kazuki Takahashi is playing a children's card game with Naoyuki Kageyama, with the former seemingly winning. Your best bro Oda is also there, smoking an oddly elongated roll of paper. Akira Toriyama is drinking three cups of coffee at once, but most surprisingly of all is the man sitting in the corner. It is none other than Yoshihiro Togashi, the man who only ever comes to work when he feels like it and yet makes lots and lots and LOTS of money regardless. Your secret wish is to be like him someday.
"Hey guys we've got trouble!" You say to the room at large. As if to punctuate your point the building rumbles and shakes, the lights dimming dramatically as Mecha Kishi's random weapons discharge severs power lines. You swiftly explain the situation.
"Sugoi monogatari, aniki." Replies Toriyama, now drinking six different cups of coffee at once.
"So, Kishimoto was an evil cyborg all along... I can't believe he tried to plagiarise your ideas." Remarks Takahashi, still playing his childrens card game.
"Hey bro want some of this? It's good ****." Says Oda, leaning over and offering you one of his curious paper rolls. It would be terribly rude to refuse your BFF, so you take one. Maybe it'll help in the upcoming fight.
Your allies seem willing to fight. Now to plan your strategy. What do you do?
- 1. Stay here and fortify your position. The supplies of coffee must be defended at all costs.
- 2. Go on the attack. Find and eliminate Mecha Kishi before he does any more damage.
- 3. Do some research. There are some old copies of Weekly Shonen Jump in the reading rack. Perhaps reading some of this 'Naruto' will give you an insight into Mecha Kishi's powers.
-We have to pad out this buildup guys Its what Kubo would want-
It's time to gather some intel. Whilst your nakama are fortifying their positions and arming themselves with whatever is on hand, you grab an armful of old WSJ magazines and begin reading. A wave of nostalgia rushes over you as you flip through old issues of Bleach. The entry into Hueco Mundo...the epic battle against Ulquiorra...Turn Back The Pendulum...and, of course, your favourite moment, Aizen-chan's incredible reveal at the end of the famous Soul Society arc.
Next you skim through Oda's own manga, One Piece. You're not quite sure what it's about, or what's going on, or who any of the characters are, but you're sure that your friend for life must have put a great deal of effort into it, even if it isn't quite as good as Bleach. This 'Sir Crocodile' character was clearly inspired by Aizen-chan, but that's all right, because Oda's your best friend ever. You don't mind if he copies your work. Perhaps you should give Aizen-chan a hook for a hand, as a sort of double reverse reference? You keep it in mind for a possible bankai.
Okay, the big moment, time to see what your archnemesis was up to. You begin to read a few chapters of Naruto. You can feel the rage slowly building within you as you slowly turn the pages. This 'Sharingan' is yet another example of vile plagiarism. An absolute hypnosis technique? 'Tsukuyomi'? 'Genjutsu'? These are clearly plagiarised imitations of Aizen-chan's immensely superior Kyouka Suigetsu! He's going to be so angry when you tell him. He'll be so furious he might even change his expression.
This 'Sharingan' was clearly the teardrop thingy that Mecha Kishi had tried to use on you. How arrogant of Kishimoto, to equip his replica with abilities from his own manga! You are outraged. You read some more chapters of Bleach to calm yourself down. Some new ideas spring to mind. Perhaps it's time to bring back Don Kanonji.
A commotion from the cafe doors catches your attention. It looks like Mecha Kishi has made his way down to this floor and is assaulting the hastily erected barricades! It's time for action. You put down your copies of WSJ and prepare for battle. As Mecha Kishi bursts into the room, you wonder briefly who will strike the first blow...
- 1. Oda with Drug-fu.
- 2. Takahashi with a Monster Card.
- 3. Kageyama with a Trap Card.
- 4. Togashi with a giant scrapbook of doodles.
- 5. Toriyama with RAGE.
-insert comment here-
As Mecha Kishi bursts into the cafeteria, Togashi rises up from behind the doorframe. Wasting no time, the author of HunterxHunter smashes the berserking robot over the head with an enormous titanium-bound scrapbook. The improvised weapon shatters on impact, littering the floor with pages upon pages of Togashi's atrocious chickenscratches. On closer inspection, you see that the paper itself is made out of laminated 10,000 yen bills. How wonderful, to have so much money.
Mecha Kishi staggers under the weight of the blow, but quickly recovers. His sensors appear to have been damaged however, and his chaingun retaliation misses by a wide margin. Toriyama appears to be powering up in a far corner, and is now drinking twelve different cups of coffee at once. His hair seems to be turning yellow too.
"I'll be ready in five minutes, guys!" He yells. Looks like you'll need to hold Mecha Kubo off for at least twenty episodes.
The insane machine manages to reorient its sensors and prepares for a renewed assault, but Kageyama appears to have other ideas.
"Not so fast, Kishi! You just activated my trap card! Reveal trap card, Banana Peel of Embarrasing Doom!"
It seems Kageyama has revealed his trump card. You snicker with amusement as Mecha Kishi trips on a perfectly placed banana peel and shoots himself with his own plasma cannon. A banana peel...genius. Oda takes advantage of Mecha Kishi's weakness, ramming a fistful of *mysterious white pills* into his mechanical mouth.
"C'mon man, let's go to WONDERLAND!!!" Your BFF exclaims, pulling more and more *mysterious substances* out of his jacket and cramming them into the robot's gaping maw. Mecha Kishi retaliates with his Sharingan laser, forcing Oda away and burning a hole into the ceiling.
The android flails wildly, having overdosed massively on your friend's *wonderful merchandise*. You dive for cover as bombs, missiles and energy projectiles fly everywhere, reducing the room to a smoking ruin. Oda's attack, whilst successful, seems to have made the robot more powerful as a side effect. Takahashi is still putting up a brave fight, pelting Mecha Kishi with various Kuribo plushies, but it looks like a loosing battle.
You grind your teeth in frustration. It started so well! Toriyama still needs nineteen more episodes before he's ready, and most of your weapons have been used. What can you do to win?
- 1. You cannot let your precious nakama down. Take to the field yourself, like a true shonen hero.
- 2. You're all too bunched up. Take the fight to the streets outside and give yourselves freedom of movement.
- 3. If this were Bleach, more allies would show up soon. Sit tight and they'll arrive. (Include suggestions as to who it will be.)
-Okay, it's Enemy Mine time! http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/EnemyMine Hey guise, I just wasted three hours of your life!-
The situation is clear to you. You are losing despite everything. Mecha Kishi is about to lay waste to the entire Shonen Jump building, and all of your most powerful attacks have not slowed him down. But you aren't worried. Your experiences writing Bleach have taught you that even in the darkest hour, when the villain is about to win, some random minor character will show up to save the day.
Sure enough, it happens. The entire rear wall of the cafeteria explodes without warning, the shockwaves knocking everyone to the ground. Except Toriyama, because he's hardcore. As the smoke clears, two figures are dramatically revealed.
It's Takeshi Obata and Nishio Ishin. You know their names, but that's pretty much all, except for the fact that the latter writes a novel series called kagemaninagatari or something. Obata begins to laugh.
"Ahahahaha!!! So, the replica has gone berserk...Just according to Keikaku number 122895. Keikaku 39905 is in progress, and Keikaku 556 has just been achieved...KEIKAKU DOORI!!! AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" You think how nice it is for him to be so excited. Clearly something good has happened, and you feel happy for Obata-san.
"We will fulfill the wishes of the suggestion box." Is all Ishin says, though he is clearly also gathering a massive force of RESOLVE.
Suddenly they both spring forward, delivering twin punches into Mecha Kishi's bodywork. Their superb co-ordination increases the coolness factor by 78%, giving the impact a damage increase of 56% and sending Mecha Kishi to the ground once again. The robot responds by unleashing a hail of missiles at their general direction. Obata laughs about how everything is going according to Keikaku 8957439, whilst Ishin cuts the missiles to pieces with an oversized katana.
"Wait a minute..." You say to yourself.
Obata...keikakus...desu noto...Mecha Kishi...
Recieve Death Note from Obata.
Oh dear. It seems these newcomers aren't allies at all, but part of Kishimoto's evil organisation! And yet they are attacking Mecha Kishi? You're confused! And that's bad! You look around. All of your allies are unconscious, except for Togashi, who is still charging up. It looks like everything is up to you now. You ponder your next move...
- 1. Let Mecha Kishi and Team Death Note duke it out, then finish off the loser.
- 2. These newcomers are bad news. Take them out first, then focus on the insane robot.
- 3. It's too early to make assumptions; the robot is the bigger threat. Take him out, then deal with TDN.
- 4. Okay, just chill out. There's no use being confused. Some of the WSJ mags have survived. Read some Bleach, it'll calm you down and fill you with burning resolve. You'll figure something out.
-What is Kubo's favourite epic? Bleach, of course.-
You need to calm yourself down in order to make your decision. Whenever you are confused, or angry, or just not loving your life enough in general, you always re-read your masterwork, Bleach. It reminds you of your past successes, and to look forward to tomorrow. Some of the WSJ mags are lying on the floor next to you. You grab the nearest one and flip through the pages until you find the Bleach chapter.
Ah, it's the one where H2 Ichigo appears for the first time. Once again, you congratulate yourself on coming up with a way in which Ichigo could plausibly defeat Ulquiorra. Some would say that it came out of nowhere and was a case of cheap asspullery, but those people are, naturally, cretinous hacks. To see the beauty of this scene requires a more refined eye than most posess. Ah, it was a true work of genius.
You can feel your love of life returning already as you search for the next chapter. Oh, this one is really old. It's the one in which Aizen-chan nearly bisects Ichigo with a single finger. The slaying of Number One in the anime is truly a reflection of Aizen-chan's supreme power, intellect and good looks. Such a tense moment! Such an incredibly shocking and unforseen event! Truly, your genius is beyond reproach.
A third magazine lies on the floor beneath the first two. It appears to be far more battered and torn than the others. You pick it up and once again turn the pages until you arrive at Bleach.
"Th-this is..." You gasp out.
It's the very first chapter of Bleach. Damp spots appear on the pages as you are overwhelmed by tears of emotion. The first chapter of your magnum opus. The place where it all began. Ichigo's family...Rukia...Fishbone D...everything. Before even Aizen-chan graced the plot with his on-panel presence. Your artwork was...less than what it is now. But that doesn't matter. This...this is the start. The start of **** YOU. The start of loving your life. And, of course, the start of lots...and lots...of money.
You feel a burning power within you now. You are inspired, you are invincible! You throw down the mag and stand up triumphantly, ready to take on the whole world if necessary. The sight that meets your eyes is...!
- 1. Team Death Note and Mecha Kishi are still evenly matched! Strike now and take them all down!
- 2. Oh. It seems the fight has finished off screen. Both combatants killed each other. Oh well.
- 3. #2, but Mecha Kishi is still alive! Finish him!
- 4. #2, but Keikaku 999 was successful and TDN won. What now, OT? WHAT NOW
- 5. OH SNAP TORIYAMA FINISHED CHARGING RUN FOR TEH HILLS
-The end is nigh...-
Oh. Oh dear. It seems as if Toriyama has finished charging his super-ultra-mega-fudge-coated-magnum-golden-delicious-super-attack. His powerlevel must be so high that it broke the five minute rule of shonen, destroying filler itself! You immediately dive for the meagre cover available, stopping only to pull your best bro Oda along with you.
An enormous coffee flavoured explosion rocks the building, blowing out every window in a two mile radius. Mecha Kishi, Team Death Note and the WSJ mangaka are all enveloped in a pearly white glow.
When the dust settles, the Shonen Jump building has been blown clean in half. Your co-workers have survived mostly unscathed, as is proper for true shonen heroes. The only remains of Mecha Kishi are a few small puddles of molten metal. Of Team Death Note, there is no sign at all. This means nothing, though; you and everyone else know that unless a body is found, the villain is still alive, regardless of how contrived or ridiculous the circumstances are.
"It's a good thing this place has Shonen Battle Insurance." You mutter as you straighten up, dusting yourself down as you survey the wreckage. Another battle won, another plotline over. This one was the most stylish so far, however. That has to count for something.
You sling the unconscious Oda over one shoulder and make your way through the burning wreckage to the street outside. You briefly consider summoning a Kubovehicle, but dismiss it a second later. This is a time to walk dramatically into the sunset.
"Ah...despite everything, I still love my life." You say to nobody in particular. It's time to go home. Another plotline will doubtless present itself tomorrow, but for now, it's time to go home, play some Bleach: Heat the Soul, and sleep. After dropping off brOda, of course. Hmmm. Maybe you'll make a tweet about your day, too.
- Fin.- -
-Beep- -Beep- -Beep-
"Hello? Oh, hello sir.
Yes sir, everything is moving along swiftly.
No sir, the target didn't notice.
Indeed, keikaku 666 was pulled off brilliantly. The item was recovered without incident.
Of course. We'll get on it right away.
We'll start the real plan moving right now...Mister President.
- ...Fin?- -