Sometimes a thread comes along that is so unique and original that it must be documented for all to see. This is one of those topics, on Saturday, August 15th 2009 BladeKnife made a topic asking "Is there an anime about overclocking? It could be really hotblooded." Then he produced a script so funny that it convinced the masses of OT-kunland that it really should be an anime. Here's the script, which was co-written by vaati000, vegeto18, elite5472, blacktrance and Leffe (basically a whole bunch of motherfuckers):
It could be really hotblooded, IMO.
Rival: "You cannon defeat me, my AMD build is top of the line!"
Mainguy: "You must be blind, clock for clock, my e8400 defeats your Phenom II."
Rival: "You may think so, however behold the performance increase when I OVERCLOCK IT!"
Mainguy: "That can't be possible, he reached 3.6 GHz with stock cooling!!?"
Girl: "Mainguy-kun, he's too strong. We have to pull our trump card!"
Mainguy: "eh eh, you aren't the only one who can overclock. Behold, my e8400 went from 3 to 4.2 GHz!"
Rival: "Impossible, most of those processors can't come close to that, unless..."
Girl: "That's right, our e8400 came with E0 stepping, increasing it's overclocking potential further than normally possible!"
Mainguy: "What's wrong, have you finally admitted defeat?"
Rival: "It's true your dual core is more powerful than mine, but did you know that how Phenom II x2 550s are made?"
Girl: "They're quad cores processors who weren't stable so the extra cores were disabled... Oh my god, you can't mean..."
Rival: "Yes, my motherboard comes with the ability to unlock those addition cores! That gives my budget 550 the power of a triple core or even quad core Phenom II! Take this, my final benchmark!"
Mainguy: Ready to lose?
Rival: Heheheh... Behold! [pulls out an X58 mobo]
Mainguy: I've never seen that before... What do you think you're trying to pull? Wait... Wh-what? You- Where is your FSB!?
Rival: Gyaaaahahahahaaaaa... I DON'T HAVE ONE!
Mainguy's childhood friend: No... NO! It can't BE! Anything but-
[cue flashy strobe lighting and the main characters looking on in awe as thunder strikes the motherboard (without killing it, duhhh)]
Mainguy's childhood friend: THE i7...
TO BE CONTINUED
Mainguy: "It's no good, he has us beat!."
Girl: "it's still not over! We can still beat him with our GPU!"
Rival: "Hah, you stand no chance. I chose Nividia as the developer, my superiority is guaranteed."
Mainguy: "That is the talk of a man stuck in the past. ATI has made a comeback, it's video cards are not inferior any longer!"
Rival: "Take this, my 250 GTS! with 512 mb of VRAM and a memory clock 2300 MHz, it's my win!"
Rival: "What is with that look, where is the wail of sorrow and defeat?"
Mainguy: "Rival, you have made costly mistake!"
Mainguy: "Although the 250 is a part of the new 200 line, it is in fact simply a rebranded 9800GTX+, old technology!"
Rival: "Maybe, but that i still-"
Mainguy: "Behold, my HD 4870!!!"
Rival: "Arrg, it's graphical processing power is tearing me apart. However, my 2300 MHz memory clock is still superior!"
Girl: "Hihi, you lose, Rival-san!"
Mainguy:" Haha, did you not hear? The 4870 doesn't use old GDDR3 ram, it uses GDDR5!!"
Rival:" No, you can't!"
Mainguy: "The technology takes our memory clock of 1000, and quadruples it to 4000 Mhz!! TAKE THIS, MY ULTIMATE BENCHMARK!!!!'
Main: *pants* I defeated him. I proved that my machine can indeed beat his.
Rival: I don't get it. How did you beat me? Just how?! I had it all! We were practically the same yet you defeated me!
Mysterious guy: I'll answer that!
Childhood friend: *gasp* You're....!
Female interest: Steven Paul Jobs! The co-founder of Apple!
Jobs: Ha ha it is good that I am recognized so easily. While I do acknowledge that you and Main have nearly identical computers, there were two critical flaws in your machine Rival.
Rival: FLAWS?! What babble is this?!
Jobs: It is easy! The first is love!
Jobs: Yes love. Sure you bought the best money could but so did Main. The key difference is in that love. You, Rival, had your computer pre-built by someone sent shipped to you. You didn't care for the machine but instead cared for what it could do for you. I wouldn't be surprised at all that you would throw it away the moment it is obsolete. Main however built it all from scratch. Ordering the parts, finding a suitable to build it, and then put it together piece by piece. Truly understanding how the computer anatomy functions before breathing life into it by pressing the power button. Half the work is just knowing about the computer and what is best but what good is it if you don't put it to good use with these two hands?!
*Rival falls to his knees and beats the floor floor*
Rival: Damnit! I was so caught up on the flashiness of it all that I forgot a true scientists heart. Learning the inside and out. Before and after turning it on. But wait....the second...You don't mean....
Jobs: The second is your software! More accurately your operating system! YOU USED VISTA!
*Rival is taken aback*
Jobs: Main realized some of the faults of Vista so see sought a different solution. While I would have preferred OS X, Main still did a good job with choosing Ubuntu 9.04. By learning and using both hardware and software can one be called The God of Computers.
Rvial: D-D-DAMNIT! I have been defeated and I accept it.
Announcer: WINNER! MAIN!
*crowd cheers for Main. Female interests kisses him. Friend high fives him.*
Rival stands defeated
Rival: just you wait, my boss will take you down!
Main guy: guess the battle is not over
Boss: Of course not! behold!
Girl: that can't be...
Main guy: LIQUID NITROGEN COOLING!
Boss: that's right, you can't possibly beat my i7 at 6ghz, but thats not it
Main guy: TRI SLI GTX280!!!
Boss: muahahahaha! thats right!
Rival: Is there no way I can beat you?
Mainguy: Not unless you put your faith in your computer! It's the only way!
Rival: Mainguy... you have a lot of faith in your computer. You've assembled it with love and care.
Mainguy: Yes, and now it's going to defeat you! GEFORCE! FINAL RENDER!
Mainguy: What's so funny?
Rival: I thought I'd borrow your Geforce's power! Thanks to this connection and cable, it belongs to me now! Now, GEFORCE! FINAL RENDER!
Mainguy: Impossible! ARRRGH!
Rival: I knew you couldn't defeat me. With all your speeches about love and friendship, I now know what truly matters - power!
Rival: That's right! I'm going to install the forbidden Power Supply upgrade!
Mainguy: You don't know what you're doing!
Rival: Silence! I'm not taking any advice from a loser.
Rival: Hahaha, how can you overclock, without a heatsink!?
Mainguy: What!? When did you... I won't let you hurt Girl!!!!!
Rival & Girl: What.
Reaction guy 1: Don't tell me...?
Reaction guy 2: Oh my god!
Reaction guys 3-6: [shocked expressions]
Mainguy reaches out to his naked processor.
Reaction guy 2: This is unheard of, he's going to use his hands as heatsinks!
Reaction guy 1: He's going to die!!
Mainguy: Rival, to defeat you I would return even from the depths of hell. My strongest overclock, take it!!
Rival & Girl & Reaction guys 7-12: [shocked expressions]
[Flashback to Mainguy's childhood when a mysterious computer saved his life.]
Mainguy: No... I can't die here... I must thank that mysterious computer...
Rival: Hahaha, at this rate you are going to die, what are you going to do, Mainguy?
Reaction guy 1: What!? The temperature is not rising!?
Reaction guy 2: His hands are emitting cold??
Mainguy: Take this: FREEZE BEAM!!!
Rival explodes in a fiery blast.
Last Boss: "Ho ho, you have done well to defeat my comrades, however your winning streak is about to end."
Girl: "We worked hard with our friends to build the best system there can be, a corporate executive such as yourself will not defeat us!"
Mainguy: "The motherboard, the CPU, the GPU, the PSU, the RAM, the SSD. They were all made with LOVE and PASSION for your defeat!"
Last Boss: "The confidence in your specs will also be the source of your failure. My video card will blow you apart!"
Girl: "but Mainguy-kun, we have a 295 GTX,the strongest card on the planet!"
Last Boss: "Bwaahaha, are you sure about that, Mainguy-san?"
Mainguy: "No.... there is one exception..."
*dramatic camera angle*
Last Guy: "Behold, the legendary ASUS Mars!"
Girl: "Incredible, just the casing is nothing like I've seen before..."
Mainguy: "The limited edition ASUS Mars 295... only 1000 of them were ever made. A madman creation of manufacturer deciding to put two of the strongest single graphical processors on a single card."
Last Boss: "With one more important detail!"
Mainguy: "Sprouting a total.... of 4 GB of graphical memory."
Girl: "That's insane, 4 GB!?"
Mainguy: "That is the maximum capacity of a 32-bit operating system. With all the total RAM capacity taken by VRAM alone, this card would render Windown XP unusable!"
*dramatic camera angle towards the villain*
Last Boss: "Do you feel it, the overwhelming power of my hardware?"
Mainguy: "Arg, it's no good Girl-chan, we... can't... win..."
Girl: "Mainguy-kun! Don't give up! You made a promise!"
Mainguy: "Sorry... it looks like I won't be able to keep that promise..."
???: "You fool!"
*mysterious man appears and punches Mainguy*
Mainguy: "M-Master! I thought your system crashed!"
Master: "A true computer enthusiast never gives up! He learns from his failed overclocks and builds another, better system! Mainguy-san, I'm disappointed."
Mainguy: "It was all nice and fun before, but now I have no possible way to win! It's pointless..."
Master: "Mainguy-san, there is a way! Look again at his specification sheet!"
Mainguy: "W-wait, I see it now, a weakness!"
Girl: "Mainguy-kun, can we win with this?"
Mainguy: "There is a 1% chance of of success..."
Girl: "Only 1%?"
Mainguy: "But I'll take that 1%, and process it until it becomes 100%!!"
*room turns dark, with lights focusing on Mainguy and Last Boss*
Last Boss: "Buwahaha, it looks like you recovered your resolve."
Mainguy: "Final Boss, I have a request. I would like to choose the game and settings use for the last benchmark."
Last Boss: "You truly think there's a game my ASUS Mars cannot handle? I'll take that challenge!"
*focus on Mainguy's face with a grin*
Mainguy: "Those will be your last words. I choose CRYSIS!"
Girl: "2560 x 1200!"
Mainguy: "x16 AF!"
Girl: " x16 AA!"
Mainguy: "MAXIMUM SETTINGS!"
Girl: "DIRECT X 10 MODE!"
Mainguy: " FINAL LEVEL, GOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
*the villain's computer is jugging, and then EXPLODES*
Last Boss: "My system!! My ASUS Mars, it's all gone!!!"
Referee: "Last Boss experienced a technical failure, inciting a disqualification. Mainguy is the winner!!!!"
Last Boss: "How did you do this? I had the power, the money, everything!"
Girl: "Do you really want to know?"
Last Boss: "Tell me!!!"
*Mainguy's group gathers together*
Everybody: " YOU ARE INCOMPETENT."
Girl: "One of the essential parts of a computer, which supplies everything power, is the PSU..."
Master: "As GPUs become faster and more powerful, so it the wattage requires to sustain them..."
Mainguy: "With the massive power consumption of your Mars, you thought all you had to do is get a power supply with a large number on the front."
Girl: "That is sickening, the sight of one with no heart, knowledge, or passion about computers."
Mainguy: "You didn't take into account brand reliability! We chose Corsair, a well known and trusted brand."
Girl: "However, you chose a no-name brand! Those are notorious for their poor quality, and computer parts getting destroyed from them is not unknown!"
Mainguy: "That is the reason for your failure. YOU WERE NEVER A TRUE COMPUTER ENTHUSIAST!"
Last Boss: "No, no, no, I'm ruiiinnneeed!! The power of true computer enthusiasts, I never imagined it to be so powerful. You have your win... I promise..."
Master: "Mainguy-san, you finally did it. You've far surpassed your master, I'm proud!"
Girl: "Oh, Mainguy-kun! *kisses him* I love you."
Mainguy: "Wah, Girl-chan! is it possible you liked me all along?"
Girl: "I always waited for this moment to tell you. Congratulations!"
Everybody else, including the villains: "Congratulations."
Mainguy: "Thanks you guys, and to all if you too, congratulations!
*Everybody walks into the sunset*
I know what you're thinking, "didn't rival die twice?" Continuity problems aside the thread was considered an "EPIC WIN" by OT-kuns all over the land of loli.
People praised the topic with such quotes as:
Dark_Thanatos Why did I laugh so hard? Why? ---------- TAKE THIS, MY FINAL BENCHMARK! QUAD CORE PHENOM... UUUUUUUUUUUUNLOCK! ----------------------------- Mazinga_zero somebody fund this. -------------------------------- elite5472 this where my two favorite boards merge I love this topic ------------------------------------ Spketre41 For God's sake, somebody pick this up. -------------------------------------------------- t 002 Tyrant You're already obsolete.
Soul Devour toasting in an epic bread.
Darren Phoenix You're already obsolete. COMPUTER COMPARISON OF THE NORTH STAR!!!
Forte_ExX You are now tracking this hotblooded topic that is hotblooded
SongstressCela Oh my god...****ing incredible.
Procastinator Girl friend: I bought a new hard drive! Main: Looks FAT *Slap*
The Dark Nerd Now correct me if I'm wrong, it's been a while since I was in Computer Systems (and wasn't even all that good at paying attention -_-), but doesn't overclocking basically just lower the safety buffer of each clock cycle, allowing more clock cycles to happen in a second? In a way, it's more like Initial D than anything. Overdo it, and it's hurtling over a rail down the mountainside you go. "My god! Is he- is he actually dynamically allocating process threads to different processors in real time?! Such efficiency, it's unheard of!" "MULTI-CHIP PROCESSING!"
hacknslash64 'Don't do it, those memory timings are too risky, it's unstable!' 'Idiot! Who the hell do you think we are??' 'Unlock! Higher CPU Multiplier!'
Hulkkis The most nerdiest hotblooded topic ever.
Vegeto18 Main: I'll take this chip and....PROCESS IT!
Warri0r_Darg0n epic topic...
After this topic was created the world was at peace for 5 hours, all was great and plenty of sex with hot 2D lolis was had. Then Soshi Strife726 showed up.